


you don't have to say (you love me)

by seeingrightly



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti)
Genre: Coming Out, Eddie Kaspbrak Lives, Love Confessions, M/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-21
Updated: 2020-02-21
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:00:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22826815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seeingrightly/pseuds/seeingrightly
Summary: “Did you mean it?” Eddie asks.His voice is a little tinny over the phone, because Richie is stuck in traffic and has him on the car’s speakers, even though Eddie complains that it isn’t safe. Eddie’s at home, where it’s later in the evening, probably flopped across the couch post-healthy-dinner he didn’t like. It’s funny which habits and routines Eddie’s kept since moving into his own place. It’s funny how much Richie knows about the new routines and the old ones.It’s not that funny, actually, and Richie’s paid to find the humor in circumstances. Or something.“Did I mean what, buddy?” Richie asks, just shy of shouting, drumming all his fingers on his steering wheel where they don’t even need to be, because he’s not moving.“What you said to me before we went into the caravan,” Eddie says.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 24
Kudos: 274





	you don't have to say (you love me)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [zach_stone](https://archiveofourown.org/users/zach_stone/gifts).



> sometimes you write a fic for a fandom a million years after [your partner](https://twitter.com/hermanngottIieb) joins that fandom. upon request they prompted me with "things you said when you were scared" from [this list](https://otppromptlists.tumblr.com/post/177672412731/send-me-a-ship-and-one-of-these-and-ill-write-a) though i didnt tell them what pairing i was writing for lmao
> 
> this is set a while after the movie, eddie gets injured but doesnt die but i planned nothing more specific than that, they live in their respective cities from the before times still, i think thats all u need
> 
> title from "adore you" by harry styles

“Did you mean it?” Eddie asks.

His voice is a little tinny over the phone, because Richie is stuck in traffic and has him on the car’s speakers, even though Eddie complains that it isn’t safe. Eddie’s at home, where it’s later in the evening, probably flopped across the couch post-healthy-dinner he didn’t like. It’s funny which habits and routines Eddie’s kept since moving into his own place. It’s funny how much Richie knows about the new routines and the old ones.

It’s not that funny, actually, and Richie’s paid to find the humor in circumstances. Or something.

“Did I mean what, buddy?” Richie asks, just shy of shouting, drumming all his fingers on his steering wheel where they don’t even need to be, because he’s not moving.

“What you said to me before we went into the caravan,” Eddie says.

There’s a tone to his voice Richie can’t place. He sounds nervous, maybe, but Richie isn’t sure. It’s so weird to navigate a whole new version of Eddie, whose feelings manifest differently than when he was a teenager, because that’s how aging works. Richie’d guess this voice meant nervous in a 40-year-old man he didn’t know, and it’s weird to know so much and so little of Eddie, to have to guess. Especially since he’s doing it from across the country.

“Before we went into the nightmare caravan,” Richie says thoughtfully, though he doesn’t like to think about any of that.

“Rich,” Eddie says.

“Yeah, yeah, I meant it. Of course I meant it. Why wouldn’t I mean it?”

Richie speaks quickly, hoping the conversation will move onto the next point, because he doesn’t want to dwell on the fact that he said something heartfelt, or the way he touched Eddie’s face for the first time in decades, or any of it.

Eddie huffs out a little breath that the speakers magnify, like he’s annoyed at Richie for believing in him or for answering his question.

“Okay,” Eddie says shortly. “Good.”

“Good?” Richie asks, and then he waits, and then he waits some more, because even though nobody’d believe it, he’s good at being patient and he knows when it’s the best way to annoy someone.

“Can,” Eddie says, and then he pauses, and then Richie is able to move his car a few inches forward. “Can, uh, maybe, could you say it again?”

Richie is quiet for a long time. He doesn’t mean to be, but he’s surprised. This isn’t what their conversations are usually like. And Eddie doing this means - something, but Richie doesn’t know what.

“Uh,” he says, and then he clears his throat. “Yeah, okay. You, uh, you’re brave, dude. I meant it before you went into the caravan and I mean it even more after - after all that stuff that you made it through. You should know after that that you are. But if you don’t, I’ll tell you again.”

Eddie lets out another breath, gentler this time, and it makes the hair on the back of Richie’s neck stand up.

“Thanks, Rich,” he says. “I - I’ve got something to say but I didn’t know if I could say it.”

“Oh, well, happy to be your hype man, man,” Richie says, uncertain but masking it. “Who d’you need to say it to?”

“You, jackass,” Eddie says, sounding more normal than he has the whole conversation. “Alright, tell me I can do it one more time.”

“You can fuckin’ do it, Eds,” Richie says, even though he’s got a weird feeling of dread in his stomach, scared of whatever change is about to happen.

“Okay,” Eddie says. “So, uh, I’m gay.”

If Richie was driving, he’d crash his car. As it is, his hand slips on nothing and he almost honks the horn.

“Oh,” Richie says, and after a long moment his mouth takes over, leaving his brain behind. “Well, hey, you did it, bud. Look at you go. I told you you’re brave and you are, huh? Look at that. Congratulations. On telling me, not being gay. Should I congratulate you for telling me? Wait, should I congratulate you for being gay?”

“Jesus Christ,” Eddie says, loudly, to cut him off, thank god. “Shut up. Can you be normal?”

“No,” Richie says.

There’s a long pause, which gives Richie time to really start to think and really start to panic. If Eddie is gay - he is gay, he already is - Eddie being gay means - Richie has to reevaluate everything. It changes everything about - everything. There are so many more ways for things to go - things can go at all now, not like before, not like when Richie told himself it wasn’t a possibility -

“Hey, Rich,” Eddie says, maybe not for the first time, talking rapidly. “Rich, hey, look, listen, I just wanted to say, uh, that you’re - you’re braver than you think you are too, man, okay.”

“Huh?” Richie asks after a long pause. “What does that have to do with you being gay, Eds?”

The car in front of Richie moves, a whole foot or so, and he’s focused on crawling after it when a thought bonks him over the head.

“Hey, what the fuck?” Richie yells, and he hears Eddie yelp from far away as though he pulled the phone away from his ear. “Do you know? Did you know, Eddie? Do you already know? What the fuck?”

He’s too shocked to be anything but shocked.

“Okay, look,” Eddie says, and Richie can practically hear his hand flying around his head. “Look. I only just figured it out for myself, between getting back all my missing memories and making all these changes to my life and trying to figure out what I actually want. Okay. And then once I was aware that was even a possibility for me - well -”

“Well what?” Richie asks.

The car in front of him pulls up. The car behind him honks.

“Once I was paying the right kind of attention,” Eddie says, all in a rush again, “it was kind of - it was - it was obvious. In my memories. And, uh, now. That you - that you - that you had feelings for me. Have them.”

Richie’s foot slips.

“What was that?” Eddie yells. “Richie! Rich, what was that? Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Richie says, dazed. “The airbag didn’t even deploy.”

“What?” Eddie yells again.

“I’m gonna have to call you back,” Richie says, and then he hangs up.

It’s just a fender bender. Richie takes the poor lady’s contact info so he can cover the minor damages he’s completely responsible for. He texts Eddie that he’s totally unharmed and will call him soon, and then he drives very slowly home in complete silence.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Eddie says when he picks the phone back up.

“Sorry,” Richie says, exhausted. “I wanted to focus on driving safely.”

“I hate you,” Eddie says. “I hate you so much.”

“Yeah, well,” Richie says. “You know how I feel about you. Apparently.”

“It’d be nice if you would tell me though,” Eddie says, and then he adds, “No, I don’t mean that. I just mean. All I wanted was to try to help you say - just the part about you. I thought if I said it, you might be able to say it too. I didn’t mean to make it about - the other stuff, about me. I wasn’t gonna get into that yet.”

“Yet?” Richie asks.

“Focus,” Eddie says. “I already know. You don’t have to say it if you don’t want to. I’m not gonna make you. But I want you to think about it. You’re in your apartment and it’s just me, someone who already knows. Someone who knows you’re brave even if you don’t.”

Richie shuts his eyes. This way it’s almost like Eddie is sitting on the couch next to him, breathing weirdly close to his ear. He wishes he could reach out and grab him, or that Eddie could touch his face like Richie had to Eddie before the caravan. But gentler, maybe. Richie thinks it would be gentler.

When Richie swallows, his throat clicks. He clears it.

“Okay,” he says, his voice slipping into something faux formal. “Eds. As you know, I… am… I’m. I’m gay.”

His voice warps a little on the last word, like it doesn’t want to come all the way out of his throat, but it does, and he hears it, and Eddie hears it, and no one else hears it yet. It’s just them. Eddie sighs, and Richie can hear the smile in it.

“Wow,” Richie says after a second, and then he starts to laugh, and it becomes hysterical almost immediately, his chest tightening.

“Hey, hey, hey, come on,” Eddie says. “No, come on, Richie.”

“Okay, okay,” Richie says, calming down. “I’m fine. It’s just, you know, that, and then the other part -”

“Yeah,” Eddie says. “I was gonna bring up that part in a very different way.”

“What way?” Richie asks, skeptical, because any way would have been terrible, so it wouldn’t be that different.

“I was gonna start with how I feel,” Eddie says.

Richie doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t think anything. He stays very, very still.

“Okay,” Eddie says, very quietly, and then he huffs, and then he speaks a little louder. “We’re being brave and saying things. Okay. I, uh, I have feelings for you too.”

“It’s a good thing I’m not driving right now,” Richie says faintly.

“Richie,” Eddie says.

“I’m gonna buy a plane ticket,” Richie says.

“Richie,” Eddie says again, less stern this time.

Richie starts to laugh, a little hysterical again but this time loud and deep and free, curled over on his side on his couch, tears leaking out of the corners of his eyes. Eddie’s grumbling at him on the other end of the line but Richie can hear that he’s amused, relieved, even though he isn’t hearing all the individual words.

“I mean it,” Richie says once he calms down. “I’m gonna buy a plane ticket.”

“Just one?” Eddie saks, dryly amused now that he’s not worried.

“Yeah,” Richie says, impulsive and, he thinks, brave. “Just one.”

**Author's Note:**

> find me on twitter @coralbluenmbr5


End file.
